Another Semester in the books!

    Another semester has come and gone and I am one step closer to fulfilling my dream as a Nurse! I am getting more and more anxious every day. I want to get it over with and move forward, so I want to finish all of my prerequisites as fast as I can and get out! I just feel like it is so far away!
    In a years time, hopefully, I will be going on my Winter Break before starting the Nursing Program in the Spring of 2016. Like I said, it seems so far away seeing as Spring of 2015 isn't even here yet, heck 2015 hasn't even been rung in! A year in the grand scheme of things doesn't seem like so long but I just hate waiting. I want to be there and be learning, doing and experiencing. I want to jump feet first in the deep end and save lives. I want to be someone and I am tired of waiting for it. Sure, I'm not sitting around and doing nothing, I'm working towards my dreams as best I can, but it doesn't seem like enough.
   My manager at work got on me about not working enough this semester, but when I have clinicals and 6 classes, how am I expected to work 5+ days of work per week? A part time job is usually around 20 hours per week, not the 30-ish to 40 that I had been doing for several weeks. My school work had been suffering and I needed more time to study, I also had a night class two days per week so I took an extra day off of work in between to have more time to study and focus on school. Seeing as my boyfriend lived in Pueblo this semester, I also took a couple weekends off every now and then  in order to be able to see my boyfriend for even a few moments when he was in town. I have worked my butt off for my managers for the last 2 years and it didn't pay off when I was a hostess and it hasn't paid off for me now as a server. I have worked my butt off as a server since the day I started training last spring and never backed down. But how am I supposed to continue working hard for something when the reward isn't going to be given?
    There are many people who do things without the prospects of rewards but this isn't one of those things. I want to be happy at my job and know that I'm progressing and not just at a standstill. I want to know that even as a server I am accomplishing something and doing something for myself. If I can't do it as a server how can I expect myself to accomplish it in real life and in the Nursing Program? How can I expect myself to excel and progress there if I can't do it in my current life? How can I move forward when I feel stuck right where I am?
    I just can't wait for it all to finally happen for me and finally be my turn for something great and meaningful to happen for me. Sure there are the small wonders that I am blessed with but I can't wait for the grand, big, amazing, life changing event to finally happen to me.

13 Ways to Be the Best Version of Yourself

This evening during my Anatomy and Physiology Lecture I had a wild thought. Earlier in the day I had confessed to a friend of mine two things that I have been having trouble with lately. During class I was trying to understand my problems, what was causing them and how I could go about fixing them. That's when I came up with a list of 13 things that I feel could help anyone with any problem they may have or to help deal with things that are causing stress. (And no I don't feel bad having come up with these things in the middle of my Biology Lecture because I already know what a covalent bond is!)

1. Believe that you are enough. Every day you need to wake up and tell yourself that no matter what happens today, or what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, you are enough to handle it. I have trouble believing sometimes that I am enough for my boyfriend, enough for my friends (the few I have) and even enough for myself. Am I the person that I really want to be? I wake up and tell myself that I am enough for all of those people and for myself. My boyfriend loves me and only me, he loves me with his whole heart and he chooses everyday to be with me. My friends chose to talk to me and hangout with me and help me. If I wasn't enough for them, I figure I wouldn't have them in my life. Knowing and understanding that, as well as working towards my goals in college and outside of it, I know I am enough for myself.

2. Don't overdo it. Everyone has their limits with anything that they do. If you are a partier, don't drink too much. If you love to study, don't study until you've become burnt out. If you have been working a lot of hours at work, don't be afraid to take some time off and spend it with your friend or family. Moderation is your friend. If you overdo something it won't have the same appeal that it would if it is done in moderation. Moderation is key.

3. Don't be afraid to take risks; just make sure they are risks you are willing and ready to take. Don't go jump out of an airplane strapped to a guy with a parachute just because your boyfriend wants to do it or just because your friends are. If YOU want to skydive and are ready for it, go for it! If you want to tell the guy you've had a crush on for the past year that you love him, then do it! Just make sure that you are ready for the outcome and the change that is going to follow your risks.

4. Cry whenever the heck you want to. Do not be afraid of your own emotions. Everyone is given the same emotions but not everyone feels them the same way. Some people are more compassionate while others are more sarcastic. Everyone is built differently. It seems that a lot of people have one thing in common: we think that crying is a sign of weakness. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been strong for so long that its time to relax and take a breath. Crying helps to release toxins, relieve stress and clear the mind. Crying is okay and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

5. Be selfish! Don't be afraid to blow off your friends for your family or both for personal time. Don't be afraid to tell others what you want and to do things for yourself. Go to the movies by yourself, buy yourself a new pairs of shoes, do something for yourself! Taking time to figure out what you like and don't like will help you to understand what you want when being around other people and will help you to become a better version of yourself.

6. Don't settle; but don't hold out. If you aren't happy with where you are at or who you are with, it really is okay to make changes to your life. You deserve the best the world has to offer. So if you wake up one morning and the man you loved 3 years ago isn't the man you love today, it is okay to admit that and move on. You owe it to him and to yourself to end the relationship and move on to the better things that God has planned for you. Or if you aren't happy at work; your coworkers and boss are jerks and you wake up every day dreading work, its definitely time to find a new job and get the heck away from the old one. At this point it is very important to not overlook many things because who knows when Mr. Right or that perfect job will come along. Don't pass something over, or break up with someone, just because you think that something better is out there. It may not be, so don't hold out waiting. It may just find you when you are least expecting it.

7. Don't judge others and you will feel less judged. Feeling like everyone or any one person is judging your every move is one of the worse feelings ever. If you know how that feels, why would you want others to feel like that? This goes right along with treating others how you want to be treated; the golden rule. One of the few things that we have control over, full control over, is the way we look, act and dress. Everyone has different life stories that has shaped them in one way or another and we don't always understand them, or get the opportunity to do so. Before making assumptions about someone you hardly know based on the brief time you have spent with them or from what you've heard about them from others you should get to know them better yourself and then try to imagine how you would act in their place. When you stop judging people you will feel less stressed by the feeling that others could be judging you. An enormous weight will be lifted off of your shoulders and you will be a much more secure and happy person.

8. Don't compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a really good way to lower your self-esteem and make you feel like a lesser person. If you compare yourself to other people you will realize all of the things that you don't have in your life and forget to see the things that you do have. Everyone is at different points in their lives and who says that just because you are the same age as someone that you are supposed to be at the same exact point in your life as they are in theirs. Everyone goes through different things and takes different paths in life and comparing yourself to someone else on a different path is like comparing a tiger and a lion: they look alike, act similarly and have the same goals, they just take different routes and use different methods to achieve their goals. Spend your time counting your blessings and not the blessings of others. Do not look at other people and wish that you had their face or their skin tone, their hair or their life. Appreciate what it is that God has given you because you never know when it could go away.

9. Reflect on the past, but don't dwell on it. We can learn so any things from the mistakes and events in our past that have shaped us to be who we are today. We have the capability to remember most of our lives, not every small detail but usually the bigger picture. The bigger picture of our past can help us to bypass mistakes in our future. The catch here is that we make sure we don't linger on things that we had a hard time with in the past or we feel we should have done differently. The past is to remember the things that we did differently and accept it not to dwell on the fact that we cant change them or go back and do them differently. We have to accept the past, move on and learn from it. Do not think about what it is that you think  you should have changed, said or not said. You can't change the past but you can use that information and that experience to make sure that you don't make the same mistake too many times.

10. Know yourself, figure yourself out. Everyone must find who they are and love themselves before they are able to be loved or love another. Take time to figure out what you like and do not like in people and in life. If you are to truly understand the world around you, you must figure out who you are in this world. The sooner you find these things and yourself, the sooner you will be satisfied with your life and have a higher self esteem knowing that you understand the world around you and the things you like and, just as importantly, the things you don't like.

11. Always take the high road. In your life, there are going to be many people that have yet to leave high school and that will try to bring you down. Don't let them. Don't reply to their meaningless insults or rude comments. They are most likely jealous of your future and life. You have a plan for your life and they are jealous of that. They want to be like you and they also want you to be as miserable as them. Don't be miserable. Stay on the path that you are on and ignore them. You will find that your life is much happier.

12. Don't let the little things bug you. Don't let a bad day, class, grade or comment ruin your day or
week. The little things are what make up the big things but if you let the few little things that bug you expand and grow, there will be more bad days than good. That is the worst way to spend your time. Leave the little things in the past and look forward to tomorrow, to the next class, to the next test.
Believe that you can be better and try your hardest to do so.

13. Change the things that you cannot accept and accept the things you cannot change. No matter how superficial the things you want to change are, you have the power to change them. If you don't like your hair color, change it. Try something new and different with it. Experiment. If you wear curls, wear it straight. If you are blond and aren't liking it much lately, try something darker. If you are unhappy with your weight then go to the gym and work it off. You can complain all you want about the things that you don't like in your life but where does that get you? It just makes you unhappy and sad. Accept the things you can't change. You also posses the power to do that.

Phlebotomy, Sleep, Good Grades, Social Life, Work. Pick 2.

    Going into the second half of this semester I began my clinicals for Phlebotomy. They happen to be 62 miles away in Montrose at Montrose Memorial Hospital. I am in the hospital for approximately 29-30 hours every week (Monday-Friday) and I am driving to and from about 12-14 hours each week as well. And then I work about 15-20 hours on the weekends. I have no time to myself. I barely found the time to write this just like I have barely been able to find time to sleep lately.
    Monday and Wednesdays I wake up at 5:30 am and leave my house at 6:00 am to get to Montrose around 7:00 am. I stay and work from 7-10:30 am when I leave to drive back for two classes (12:00pm-1:20 pm and 2:00pm-2:50pm). Following my last class I leave back to Montrose so I can get another hour and a half of work at the hospital in before coming back home at 5:30 pm-ish when the OP Draw Room closes.
 
    On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to class from 9:30 am until somewhere between 10:00 and 10:45 before leaving for Montrose from 12-4. Around 4pm I come home to go to class from 5:30-6:45 pm. Most Fridays, however, I get up at the same time I would on Monday or Wednesday (5:30 am) but I stay in Montrose until 5:30 pm. What a long day!
    Where is there time for me?? Where is there time for me to study, time for me to take a breath and to sit and think for a minute? There isn't any time! I am even writing this in class, once more. What the heck, right? The only good thing about my lack of time is that my time management has improved so much even in the last week and when the time comes for my clinicals for the Nursing Program I feel that I will be more ready for them and that I will be able to handle the lack of sleep like a champ!
    Clinicals are going as well as could be expected. I wish they were closer to home and less time consuming, though. The people at the MMH Lab are great, though! They are some of the funniest people I have ever met! They are also all very helpful with my learning and training as a Phlebotomist. They are patient and kind and aren't afraid to give me constructive criticism (Which I am always open to). But they also tell me when I'm doing something well and effectively. I am really going to miss them seeing as I only have this last week left with them.
    I have learned many things from the people at MMH. I feel so much more confident in my ability to draw blood, both from easier and harder sticks. I have found that it gets easier with the practice and the longer you spend doing it. Today I lost track of time after we got very busy in the draw room and I didn't even care. I wasn't constantly looking at the clock wondering what time I would be able to leave or how soon or far away that would be.I was content to stay there and draw blood for as long as I could. Once I get started doing it I have trouble stopping. I get into a groove and there is no stopping me. That is when I do my absolutely best work.
    There are times when I have rude patients and all I can think is, "dude, I have a needle in my hand that I am about to poke you with; would you like to rephrase that sentence?" Thankfully, I have only thought that a few times with the few rude people that I have drawn from. I feel like there will be more in my future but that I know how to handle them in a much better way than I had known before my clinicals. Overall this experience has been amazing and I have gained so much knowledge and experience. I just can't wait to continue and get my start in Nursing and actually being able to help people. It is what I am most excited about!

Tunnel Vision

    The other night at around 4 in the morning I woke up like I do so often in the night, and practically had an epiphany. Why am I so worried about tomorrow or next year or the next five when I haven't even made it through this day yet? The internet says this almost every where you look, but you are not guaranteed a tomorrow. You aren't really even guaranteed a full today. That saying is completely true. For whatever reason there may be, some tomorrows will never come. That may sound morose but it is completely true for everyone.
   Our futures are comprised of everyday moments and choices that we make on a daily basis. Many of which we don't even realize we are doing. Our futures are unfolding before our eyes without us acknowledging it. Every little moment in your life, minutes wasted, seconds lost, hours waiting, it all effects our futures. Every little detail. Some of the moments that we feel may be insignificant, turn out to be the most significant, life-changing moments ever.
   Lately I have been worrying about my grades for my classes, my tests, my GPA, how I am going to study for the Kaplan test to get into the Nursing Program and what I am going to do once I am in it. I am worrying about where I will be in 5 years, what I'm doing, where I'm living and who will be there with me. What I figured out the other day is that none of that matters. Sure, goals are nice for the long run. Even short-term goals are great. But if we put too much focus on those goals and trying to change the days in our future that we haven't even lived yet, the day that we are living goes to waste. There are many people who don't get to see a full day and won't live until tomorrow. Their days are gone and there is nothing they can do about it. There is something that we can do about OUR days, though.
    My resolution is this: worry about today and get everything done during the course of the day that I can. If I don't get something done I am not going to worry about it because I did the best I could TODAY. I will keep my long term and short term goals in sight with out focusing on them completely and getting Tunnel Vision. I will make the best of every day and make each and every minute of my life count. I will do what I can and not sweat the little or big stuff. I will tell people I love them often and speak my mind. I will live my life for me and in the time I am given. I will do my best, because that is all anyone can ever do.

Sophmore Year

    Fall 2014 classes have begun and my class load is quite large. I am retaking my Anatomy and Physiology 1 lab, continuing on to Anatomy and Physiology 2 Lab and Lecture, as well as History of Popular Music and I was accepted into the Phlebotomy Program. I m only taking 13 credit hours this semester but they are all upper division classes that require a lot of out of class work and memorization. I have 17 more credit hours to complete before entering the nursing program in about a year from now. My hopes are that I can get around a 4.0
this semester and next so that I will be able to get into the Nursing Program first time out. I have several big supports: an Academic Adviser, two Nursing Advisers and a professor I had last semester, all saying that they would help me as much as they can so I can accomplish my dream of becoming a Nurse.

    In addition to an intense work load at school, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years moved to Pueblo, Colorado a little over a week ago to pursue the Respiratory Therapy program at Pueblo Community College. He is going to be there for 2 1/2 years, only coming home once, maybe twice a month if that. As time goes on and classes and work get harder he may lessen is visits. Before he left we talked a lot about what we wanted to happen for us while he is away, and what we would want when he was done with school. We continue to talk more and more about our future together everyday. The saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was a very scary quote to me going into a long-distance relationship because of the addition "of someone else" that many people would add after their long-distance relationship went awry. I don't really believe the addition because my boyfriend and I have grown very fond of each other in the almost month that he has been gone. As we begin to adjust more and more to our situation, our feelings may adjust but I don't think that the fondness that we are experiencing now will ever go away.

    To be honest, though, it is almost good timing for my boyfriend moving away. Our classes are getting harder and harder, I'm trying to get into my program and he is already in his, I have a job on top of everything else and I don't know if I'd have time to juggle all of it and succeed if my boyfriend lived here. That may sound like a cop-out, but its not; its the truth. Balancing a 20-25 hour work week, going to school full time (which includes at least 30 hours of out of class homework and studying) a boyfriend, family a social life and an adequate amount of sleep? There just isn't time for all of that. I wish there were and that I could make the time but it just isn't possible. As I told my mom the other day, my priorities are school first, family second, work and my social life come last. I put school first only because I am paying thousands of dollars for my education and to have a better and brighter future for myself and my future family. Family comes above work because money will come and go, and I will be able to get a better job after I finish school. Plus my bosses are very understanding when it comes to family issues and are not worried about giving people time off for familial issues.
    The only thing that I worry about now is that I will be able to keep up with my classes, work as much as I need to and that I will get a good clinical site for my Phlebotomy Clinicals that will start in October. The other night I had a bit of a meltdown because I got a C on my first Anatomy 2 Lecture Exam and I was sure I wasn't going to be able to correct my studying or get any better grade than a C in anything. I stopped crying and being upset and was more determined thane ever to get the grades that I need and do what it takes to get into the Nursing Program. I have also found that praying for a good outcome and the support from above is a good thing, too. I will take all of the help I can get!

Divergent

    There's something about the first anything that is so magical, so imperfectly beautiful that it makes it all the better. Your first love, your first kiss, your first time, the first book, the first movie, the first moments are the best things that you may ever experience. Many say that it’s not the first moments; it’s the last that really count, but I disagree. It’s in the first moments that you are able to see someone and it’s those moments in the beginning that you realize how you feel about someone that matter. The first time with anything will set the precedence for everything to come. When you look back to the moment that you first met someone or looked at someone and your heart beats just a little harder remembering those moments, that's what counts.

    Recently I read the Divergent series; it took me about 2-3 days to finish all three books.

While all of the books were amazing and magnificently written, I'm still in love with the first book. In an interview with the author, Veronica Roth, she said that she had definitely thought out the second and third more than she had the first. I think that's the beauty of the first one. .the mystery and the feeling of meeting someone for the first time, too, that does it for me. Once you get deeper into the series, the only thing that changes much is the setting and the plot; the characters develop and expand on who they already are. They may have their break-through moments where they finally discover who they want to be, but by that point, we, as readers, can almost see it ourselves before the character experiences it. We get to grow with and befriend the characters throughout the series and feel their pain and share their thoughts, but you can only meet someone for the first time once, and that one time, that one moment is so magical that it never leaves you.

    In Divergent, when we first meet Tris, there's a sense of unknowing and adventure about her that draws the readers in. Her imperfections and flaws, the way that she sees herself is so relatable to almost every reader. Her vulnerability and character is what makes us see her as perfect, what makes us fall in love with her from the start. The first moment that she/we meet Four. .that moment can only be lived once. When I read that moment, I was filled with the excitement of first love and could almost feel that spark myself, maybe even before Tris felt it. But it will never be the same as the first time I read it, no matter how many times I will read it. Their first kiss, the moment that they knew that they loved each other, those moments are much more precious than the second or third, though those are amazing as well. You can’t get the same rush of emotions from anything but the first moments with a new character or a new person. It will never be able to live up to those moments, no matter how hard you want them to. The same goes with those experiences in real life.

    The experiences of both Tobias and Tris are what make me love to read and what make me appreciate moments in the beginning like theirs. When I was reading the last moments that they spent together and the last moments of the series, all I could think about was wanting to see where it all started, to see how far they had come as a individuals and as a couple.

    Veronica Roth said in her interview that there are many things that she would change about the first book, if she could go back and do so. I think that would be wrong. The words that she wrote, the story that she told is what made it the bestseller that it is and to change that or want to change that would be wrong. It’s an experience that Roth was able to learn from and progress with. It was something that made her a better writer. The book’s flaws and imperfections are what made it great and what make it such an amazing and thrilling book; it's also what makes it worth reading over other books in the genre and others, too.

    The first moments are what set the precedence for the rest of the story. The first moments are the greatest feelings you’ll ever experience. There are many firsts and there are many lasts, but it’s the first that make the story great! There are many firsts throughout the series as well, and they are just as great as the ones in the very beginning, but they can never measure up. . .

Lost and Out of Control

    Seeing as my blog isn't chronological, I don't feel like it's necessary to do a "Previously on 'Do Something You...'", so I'll just jump right into it. I feel completely lost and out of touch with everything around me, lately. I feel as if I don't belong and I'm completely out of place. I feel like I don't fit in with people my own age. In my tennis class, golf class and almost every class I have I seem to socialize and assimilate with the "Returning Adult Learners". There are very few people that are close to my own age that I can or even try to talk to. When I try to open myself up to making friends that are my age, it doesn't happen for one reason or another. Sometimes I feel like it's because I'm too plain for them (I don't drink or party, smoke or do drugs; I work, go to school and study) or they annoy me with their immaturity and constant rambling about things that don't matter.
    For instance, this girl in my golf class won't stop talking to me during class and won't shut up about how sore she is from her yoga class the hour before. . .Cool! I do yoga, too, but I don't go around using it as a conversation starter to continue rambling on about my life and problems to a complete stranger! Seeing as we are the only two girls in that class I had originally hoped she would be someone to talk to about golf and to hit with, but instead I got someone who wants to talk about her life and won't stop. I know that everyone needs someone to talk to about stuff, but I just don't do that with complete strangers!

    My friend Taylor, one of the only girls I actually talk to that's my age, is  pretty cool. However, like most girls our age, she is quite fickle, unemployed and has something new to complain about every day. On top of being unemployed, she wants us to move out together at the end of the Summer before the Fall semester starts. I was pretty excited about it at first until I started looking at the facts: she doesn't have a job, so how is she going to pay equal rent? We also have never really hung out outside of school except to watch Full House and some Netflix in her dorm in between classes. . .We don't know how we get along and who says we would if we lived together. . .?
 
    Sometimes I feel like I need to try something new to pull me out of this funk, like moving out or away or doing something life changing and exciting, but I haven't figured out what I can do. I can't just move out on my own, I mean I get free food, a room and my laundry done at home. For FREE. It doesn't get much better than that. But I've had that for the last almost 19 years. A person needs a change of scenery every now and then right? Sometimes all someone needs to feel better is a new reason do wake up in the morning, something to look forwards to and something that they can work towards, something that motivates them. I feel like I don't have that. I go to school to get done with it so I can start working; I go to work so I can make money to pay my bills, buy a few nice things and maybe buy a motorcycle. There's no real, genuine motivation for me.
    I feel just completely lost, like I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing or what the point of it all is. I don't know where my life is going, what I want to get from it and what I don't want from it. . .I just know that I don't know. Its out of my control and I figure I can just roll with the tides and pray that it takes me somewhere amazing.

Honestly Confused

"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."

    -Thomas Jefferson

    In our everyday lives, how often do we actually tell the truth? Throughout the day we all tell little white lies to make ourselves appear better than it is, or sometimes even worse than it is with hopes of being better liked and sometimes to gain sympathy. I've done it before, and I'm trying to fix it. I exaggerate elements or leave details out to make my stories better; they're only variations of the truth though, so that's not a lie, right? 

    Little white lies like these are more harmful than you'd think. Lies and the attention that we get from them are like a drug and it's high. In today's society we crave that attention and acceptance from our peers so deeply that many of us would say almost anything to get it. It's a sad world we live in when we feel like we have to lie to gain acceptance. Lies come so naturally and easily to us that we are barely able to recognize that we are telling one so there is no time to question the action or feel guilty about telling a lie.

    Lies come so easily that, not only do we have trouble being honest with others; we have trouble being honest with ourselves. We lie to ourselves all of the time, telling ourselves that we are fine when we're crying inside, that everything is okay when we really everything seems to be going to hell. Those are little white lies that we tell ourselves in order to attempt to cope with or deny certain feelings that we may not want to accept or don't want to deal with.

    One of the things that I have so much trouble with is being honest with myself and how I feel. I have trouble being open with myself, as crazy as that may sound. I lie to myself all day saying that I don't care about stuff that happens, that I don't feel a certain way. I lie to myself time after time and it sucks. So I think it's time I'm honest with myself without fear of judgment from others, criticism and judgment from myself as well. Brace yourselves..

    1. I want to get married sooo badly even though I tell myself otherwise on a daily basis! But I know that it's not the right time. I love my boyfriend and I like to think that maybe someday we'll get married, but right now, I know I'm not ready. Just because it’s something that I want now, doesn't mean that I'm ready for it NOW. I'm very jealous of all of the girls that have gotten engaged the last few months, and to people that they haven't known for but a few months..I don't want to be like them. I want to be the girl at the 10 year reunion that has a blooming career, a loyal husband, a loving family and a life!

     2. I let the past bug me, probably more than I should. The main things that bug me are things with me and my boyfriend. Our relationship is nowhere near perfect, just like everyone else we have ups and downs. But there are times when I wish things had gone differently (That's a story for another blog though!) Sometimes there are little things, little reminders that pop up relating to something that had once bugged me and ate my insides to the point of sickness, that bring back all of those emotions. The part that makes it worse? I don't have anyone to talk to about any of it....Not even my boyfriend...

    3. I don't have many friends. I have people I talk to at work, people that I have classes with, people I went to high school with, "Friends" that say we should hangout but never make the effort even when you do, and I have the "friends" that always said they'd be there but left.. I don't have a best friend that I can tell all of my secrets to. I don't have that one friend that I can run to when drama happens. I don't have that friend that I went off to college with or that friend that will come over and study or just watch movies with me. I don't have that and it kills me. I try to make friends and I try to branch out, but it has yet to work for me. The only friend that I really have is Taylor, a girl I met last semester. She came to college with her best friend, and I envy that.

    4. I feel stuck. I feel like I have all of these plans for my life but I'm deathly scared they won't happen..I wanted to go to college and make something of myself, be on my own. I wanted the chance to figure out life outside of this town and outside of my house. Sure, after I graduate I may get that but that's not the point. I'm at the point in my life where I feel like it's crucial for me to be something and do something with my life that makes me happy and makes me feel good. I want to get away from all of this, start over and find out who I am supposed to be in this world. I don't feel like I can do that here.

Trouble with Goodbye

    Just a little bit ago I got off the phone with my grandma. She's 98 and lives on her own. She calls my house every night when she gets into bed so that my mom knows that she's okay. Tonight my mom was in the shower when she called and I answered the phone to say goodnight. The call lasted 40 seconds on the dot. But those 40 seconds I'll never forget...
    With how old she is and how much she's aged within the last 4 years even, who knows how much longer we have with her. Who knows if I'll see her tomorrow or the next day, next week or next year..we don't ever know. I do try to spend as much time with her as I can, but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. I know that when she is gone, I will never be able to make up for any time that I've missed..
    Sometimes, though, I feel uncomfortable around her, like I don't meet her expectations or that I may not be good enough for her; at one point I wasn't and she didn't hesitate to say so..that doesn't change the fact that I try each and every day to impress her and be the best I can be for her.
    I also have trouble with death. I have trouble acknowledging that someone is really gone and isn't coming back. I don't like to think that I won't talk to her or hold her hand, share stories with her either. When my Grandma Katie died, it didn't fully register with me. It could have been because we hadn't been very close in the last few years, but it still didn't impact me as much as I thought it would have. I loved her very much, though. The hardest part is with my grandma is that I know she will lever live to see her great-grand children. I'm 18 and I don't plan on having kids any time soon, so it is almost guaranteed that she won't be able to see them and hold them and be there for them..
    The hardest part of all of this, though, is saying goodbye. After my mom and I go to see her, when we're leaving, I kiss her on the forehead or cheek, say "bye" and leave while my mom says her goodbyes. I don't like goodbyes and I'm not good with them. I never say goodbye to people, I may say "goodnight" or "see you later" but I never say "goodbye". It is too final of a statement for me to make. "Goodbye" is a commitment and almost a promise that you won't see each other again and that's not a promise I want to make. I'm not ready for Goodbye...not yet...

First Week of Spring Semster

    Last Tuesday was the first day of classes it seems like it was yesterday. Everything is going by very fast and I know that this semester will be over in the blink of an eye. Typically I look forward to my weekends but they've been just as filled as my weekdays. Today was the first day I was able to sleep in for about 2-3 weeks! I'd been getting up at 7 for my classes and 8 for Church on Sundays and then whatever I had to do on Saturday mornings that prevented me from sleeping in.

    My 8 am class is Anatomy and Physiology (209). I'm much better at the Anatomy portion that the Physiology. I understand the Crista Galli, Stella Turcica and the External Occipital Protuberance, but I get a little confused when it comes to glycogen and carbohydrates, proteins and osmosis. I am very good with the memorization of things that don't change, but when it comes down to the molecular level and the process of things working, I'm not sure what to do. I want to know it and understand it but I'm not sure how to learn it in a way that would allow me to do so.

    This semester I am also taking an Emergency Medical Responder class that is the first step in the EMT/Paramedic track. There are lots of options to do with that and I think that it'd be a good back up plan, but I'm not sure if its for me. I love being able to help people but I'm not sure if that'd be the right way for me to. After getting my certification from this class I will be able to help people if the situation presents itself which will be a great opportunity to help people in need.

    In order to be able to apply to the Nursing Program I have to complete several semesters of General Education Credits including Psychology, Pathophysiology, the second part of Anatomy and Physiology (210). I also have to do a Statistics class and a Kinesiology Activity (I'm taking golf! ha). There are a few humanities and fine arts credits I have to complete but I know I'll be able to do them this summer and in the Fall semester as well.

    Knowing that I have a pretty solid plan for my future makes me happy and excited! I'm nervous to get on my feet and running! I can't wait to finish and get started with my life either! The future holds so much promise for me and there are so many doors that I haven't opened yet, I'm ready to get started!

Embrace Being Young...Why Rush Ahead??

    A couple weeks ago I came across this blog: 23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23. Its an excellent idea and I think that it gives a great opinion. I'm sure you can guess the topic. Any-who, the college that I attend has a couple of pages on Facebook for student use such as a "Confessions" page, a "Missed Connections" page and a listings page for selling stuff. I'm not an avid follower of any of these but during one of my boring days during winter break I saw a particular post concerning all of the recent engagements in my area that I found very interesting. The person who posted it shared my thoughts that it was concerning that many young couples are throwing away their youth to get married and settle down when they could and should be finding themselves and exploring the world around them. There were many posts that week about the same thing and the typical "you're stupid" and "they're young let them do what they want and stay out of it" comments occurred.
    I commented with the link to the blog from above and moved on. There were many comments after mine when I went back to look days later. Someone had commented with a link to another blog: Must Read Young Woman Gives Amazing Response to the 23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23. This blog was written by a married 26 year old woman negating everything in the first blog. However, it is very poorly done and is written without an open mind. The author of the second blog took everything from the first blog way too seriously in her response.
    I think that the whole point of the first blog was to get people to think about what they are doing with their lives. They don't know what is out there and that's what the girl is trying to say. You don't have to do exactly what she is saying, you can make your own list of things to do. It's like Pinterest, you don't have to do it the way the directions say or label your boards the same way as everyone else either, it's just a guideline. The point is to give the reader the first step into making their own choices and their own lives what they want.
    Everyone has so many choices and opportunities in life and yet there are many people who chose to throw them away and settle for what they have. Settling down doesn't mean that you're settling for one person or one place, settling down means you're ready to stop moving and roaming around to make a permanent life for yourself with those that you love and want to spend your life with. Humans were once very nomadic and moved around constantly until they settled down and stayed in one place. One good thing about that lifestyle is how much they got to see and experience from their wanderings. That's something that so many people don't do anymore and quite a few people don't even have the desire to do which makes me very sad.
    If there's one thing that I've learned from those two blogs and my own internal feelings is that you can't know what you want and like until you've tried many things that you don't like or want. We learn from our failures much more than our successes and many people don't understand that. You've dated what, two men in your life and have been to 4 states and Mexico and you're ready to be married? What have you experienced in life, what have you done in life?? Everyone's life journies are completely different and not two are the same, yet they should all have a point: to make it your own and do something with it.
     Before you get married and settle down to share it with someone else you should make your own life before . I'm in no position to tell people how to live their own lives, but I don't understand how so many bright young women fail to understand this.Be yourself. You don't need a man to be happy. Marriage is the cherry on top of the cake. Cherries come after icing. Marriage is meant for when you're older and mature. Just because you are mature for your age doesn't mean that you're mature enough for marriage.