Seeing as my blog isn't chronological, I don't feel like it's necessary to do a "Previously on 'Do Something You...'", so I'll just jump right into it. I feel completely lost and out of touch with everything around me, lately. I feel as if I don't belong and I'm completely out of place. I feel like I don't fit in with people my own age. In my tennis class, golf class and almost every class I have I seem to socialize and assimilate with the "Returning Adult Learners". There are very few people that are close to my own age that I can or even try to talk to. When I try to open myself up to making friends that are my age, it doesn't happen for one reason or another. Sometimes I feel like it's because I'm too plain for them (I don't drink or party, smoke or do drugs; I work, go to school and study) or they annoy me with their immaturity and constant rambling about things that don't matter.
For instance, this girl in my golf class won't stop talking to me during class and won't shut up about how sore she is from her yoga class the hour before. . .Cool! I do yoga, too, but I don't go around using it as a conversation starter to continue rambling on about my life and problems to a complete stranger! Seeing as we are the only two girls in that class I had originally hoped she would be someone to talk to about golf and to hit with, but instead I got someone who wants to talk about her life and won't stop. I know that everyone needs someone to talk to about stuff, but I just don't do that with complete strangers!
My friend Taylor, one of the only girls I actually talk to that's my age, is pretty cool. However, like most girls our age, she is quite fickle, unemployed and has something new to complain about every day. On top of being unemployed, she wants us to move out together at the end of the Summer before the Fall semester starts. I was pretty excited about it at first until I started looking at the facts: she doesn't have a job, so how is she going to pay equal rent? We also have never really hung out outside of school except to watch Full House and some Netflix in her dorm in between classes. . .We don't know how we get along and who says we would if we lived together. . .?
Sometimes I feel like I need to try something new to pull me out of this funk, like moving out or away or doing something life changing and exciting, but I haven't figured out what I can do. I can't just move out on my own, I mean I get free food, a room and my laundry done at home. For FREE. It doesn't get much better than that. But I've had that for the last almost 19 years. A person needs a change of scenery every now and then right? Sometimes all someone needs to feel better is a new reason do wake up in the morning, something to look forwards to and something that they can work towards, something that motivates them. I feel like I don't have that. I go to school to get done with it so I can start working; I go to work so I can make money to pay my bills, buy a few nice things and maybe buy a motorcycle. There's no real, genuine motivation for me.
I feel just completely lost, like I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing or what the point of it all is. I don't know where my life is going, what I want to get from it and what I don't want from it. . .I just know that I don't know. Its out of my control and I figure I can just roll with the tides and pray that it takes me somewhere amazing.
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