Tunnel Vision

    The other night at around 4 in the morning I woke up like I do so often in the night, and practically had an epiphany. Why am I so worried about tomorrow or next year or the next five when I haven't even made it through this day yet? The internet says this almost every where you look, but you are not guaranteed a tomorrow. You aren't really even guaranteed a full today. That saying is completely true. For whatever reason there may be, some tomorrows will never come. That may sound morose but it is completely true for everyone.
   Our futures are comprised of everyday moments and choices that we make on a daily basis. Many of which we don't even realize we are doing. Our futures are unfolding before our eyes without us acknowledging it. Every little moment in your life, minutes wasted, seconds lost, hours waiting, it all effects our futures. Every little detail. Some of the moments that we feel may be insignificant, turn out to be the most significant, life-changing moments ever.
   Lately I have been worrying about my grades for my classes, my tests, my GPA, how I am going to study for the Kaplan test to get into the Nursing Program and what I am going to do once I am in it. I am worrying about where I will be in 5 years, what I'm doing, where I'm living and who will be there with me. What I figured out the other day is that none of that matters. Sure, goals are nice for the long run. Even short-term goals are great. But if we put too much focus on those goals and trying to change the days in our future that we haven't even lived yet, the day that we are living goes to waste. There are many people who don't get to see a full day and won't live until tomorrow. Their days are gone and there is nothing they can do about it. There is something that we can do about OUR days, though.
    My resolution is this: worry about today and get everything done during the course of the day that I can. If I don't get something done I am not going to worry about it because I did the best I could TODAY. I will keep my long term and short term goals in sight with out focusing on them completely and getting Tunnel Vision. I will make the best of every day and make each and every minute of my life count. I will do what I can and not sweat the little or big stuff. I will tell people I love them often and speak my mind. I will live my life for me and in the time I am given. I will do my best, because that is all anyone can ever do.

Sophmore Year

    Fall 2014 classes have begun and my class load is quite large. I am retaking my Anatomy and Physiology 1 lab, continuing on to Anatomy and Physiology 2 Lab and Lecture, as well as History of Popular Music and I was accepted into the Phlebotomy Program. I m only taking 13 credit hours this semester but they are all upper division classes that require a lot of out of class work and memorization. I have 17 more credit hours to complete before entering the nursing program in about a year from now. My hopes are that I can get around a 4.0
this semester and next so that I will be able to get into the Nursing Program first time out. I have several big supports: an Academic Adviser, two Nursing Advisers and a professor I had last semester, all saying that they would help me as much as they can so I can accomplish my dream of becoming a Nurse.

    In addition to an intense work load at school, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years moved to Pueblo, Colorado a little over a week ago to pursue the Respiratory Therapy program at Pueblo Community College. He is going to be there for 2 1/2 years, only coming home once, maybe twice a month if that. As time goes on and classes and work get harder he may lessen is visits. Before he left we talked a lot about what we wanted to happen for us while he is away, and what we would want when he was done with school. We continue to talk more and more about our future together everyday. The saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was a very scary quote to me going into a long-distance relationship because of the addition "of someone else" that many people would add after their long-distance relationship went awry. I don't really believe the addition because my boyfriend and I have grown very fond of each other in the almost month that he has been gone. As we begin to adjust more and more to our situation, our feelings may adjust but I don't think that the fondness that we are experiencing now will ever go away.

    To be honest, though, it is almost good timing for my boyfriend moving away. Our classes are getting harder and harder, I'm trying to get into my program and he is already in his, I have a job on top of everything else and I don't know if I'd have time to juggle all of it and succeed if my boyfriend lived here. That may sound like a cop-out, but its not; its the truth. Balancing a 20-25 hour work week, going to school full time (which includes at least 30 hours of out of class homework and studying) a boyfriend, family a social life and an adequate amount of sleep? There just isn't time for all of that. I wish there were and that I could make the time but it just isn't possible. As I told my mom the other day, my priorities are school first, family second, work and my social life come last. I put school first only because I am paying thousands of dollars for my education and to have a better and brighter future for myself and my future family. Family comes above work because money will come and go, and I will be able to get a better job after I finish school. Plus my bosses are very understanding when it comes to family issues and are not worried about giving people time off for familial issues.
    The only thing that I worry about now is that I will be able to keep up with my classes, work as much as I need to and that I will get a good clinical site for my Phlebotomy Clinicals that will start in October. The other night I had a bit of a meltdown because I got a C on my first Anatomy 2 Lecture Exam and I was sure I wasn't going to be able to correct my studying or get any better grade than a C in anything. I stopped crying and being upset and was more determined thane ever to get the grades that I need and do what it takes to get into the Nursing Program. I have also found that praying for a good outcome and the support from above is a good thing, too. I will take all of the help I can get!