Love, Life, Growing Up

    One week ago was my 3 year anniversary of dating the man of my dreams. 3 years ago he asked me to be his girlfriend not knowing what our future would hold. Neither of us knew where we would be or how long we would be together, or what we would one day mean to each other.

    My boyfriend and I used to work together and had known each other for about 1 1/2 years before we started dating. When we were little, our families lived near each other too; I discovered that I had once sold Girl Scout cookies to his family! (What a small world!) Any who, early in 2011 my boyfriend had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and we went on a fun, pressure free date to the park. We played catch, talked a lot and got to know each other outside of work. We continued to work together and talk but we both started seeing other people.

    When a previous relationship of mine wasn't going very well I turned to my current boyfriend. He talked me through it and helped me figure out what I wanted. That summer came and went without either of us making a move towards the other. At the end of the summer, in August, we went to a movie together and went and sat under the stars together afterwards. Shortly after, he quit his job to focus on school and sports during his senior year of high school so we didn't see each other again until October. Thats when we started hanging out and talking more and more; becoming closer.

    We were constantly hanging out and doing things together, talking and getting to know each other. We would go bowling, have movie nights at his parents house. Play pingpong together. And we went to a dance together in November. The New Year came and he was my first New Years Kiss. Finally, 9 days in to 2012, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend.

    In the last 3 years, we have had ups and downs, we have found the strengths and weaknesses in our relationship. We have learned so much about each other that its crazy to think that we once knew nothing. Its almost more strange to think that I've been friends with him for longer than I have with almost any one else. He knows more about me than any of my friends ever have and I know that I am the only one in his heart, as he is the only one in mine. The last three years of being with my boyfriend have taught me so many things about growing up, maturing and loving another person. It taught me how to love myself, as well. Before I met my boyfriend, I didn't really understand what that meant.. I always thought it was a weird statement "love yourself". But being with my boyfriend has helped me so much to find myself and discover who I want to be. He helped me find Nursing, he helped me to rediscover my love of school and he has helped me to find my own relationship with God.


 

 We went to Prom, to many other dances, we were at each other's high school graduations. We are each other's high school sweethearts. We found hobbies that we enjoyed doing together, like dirt biking and more recently painting. We make compromises for each other and help make each other strong and whole. We really have grown together in the past 3 years.

    On the way home from a weekend Church Youth trip to Ridgeway about 7 months into our relationship, our Pastor asked one of the other kids how we would be able to make our relationship work with my boyfriend going to college and me still being in high school. The kid said that if we focused on each other, avoided temptations and kept God always in our hearts, minds and our relationship, that we could make it through anything. I completely believe that and I know that if we continue to do that as we have for the last 3 years, we can continue to do it for the rest of our lives.

   The thing that I look forward to most in our relationship is  our future together, growing up and finding our way in this world, together. I look forward to being by his side through the ups and downs and having him by mine. 

The Last Month

    The last month of my life has been full of ups and downs, struggles and successes. I finished another semester of college, my boyfriend moved home from Pueblo, we celebrated Christmas, New Years 2015 and soon we will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary of dating.  But those are just the big things that have been happening. Life isn't just full of big moments or events; little ones are just as important.

    At the end of the semester, I ended with 3 A's and a matching 3 B's. I took 13 Credits this semester which doesn't seem like much, but it was a lot more than 13 credits. My Anatomy and Physiology 210 Lab was worth 1 credit but felt like it was, at the very least, a 4 credit course. The work for that class was more extensive and more like a lecture than the corresponding Lecture course. Some of the other girls in that class struggled with me to get the highest grades that we could. Sure, their study techniques may not have been as good as mine and I got a higher grade than them, it was still difficult for all. I am proud to say that I did earn a B and that I was successful in that, but I am disappointed I didn't do better. I feel like If I had tried harder, studied differently, then I would have been able to do better. But then I tell myself that I did the best I could for myself at the time and that I couldn't have done it any differently.

    This last semester was probably the most stressful and intense of them all. I was more stressed and defeated than ever before. But in turn, I was more determined to pull through, too. I was strong willed and more set on succeeding than ever. After meeting with a Nursing Advisor, who said I wouldn't be able to get into the BSN program, I felt a fire that I had never known before. No one can tell me that I can't do something and if they do I will do what I can to prove them wrong. I can't stand people setting limits for me or for others. The only person that is stopping you from doing something is yourself. No one and nothing else can stand in your way of your dreams and I am not going to let anything stop me.

    In a year from now I hope to be preparing to start the BSN program at Colorado Mesa University and will be graduating in May of 2018. That is my hope and I will strive and work my ass off to do it. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in, but I feel that with how determined I am with school and getting in, I will hopefully be able to do so this year.

    Spring semester starts in a little over a week and I'm so ready to start and keep moving forward! It's so exciting to be getting closer and closer to my dreams and I can feel it within my grasp! I can't wait to be able to call myself a Nurse in just over 3 years!

Another Semester in the books!

    Another semester has come and gone and I am one step closer to fulfilling my dream as a Nurse! I am getting more and more anxious every day. I want to get it over with and move forward, so I want to finish all of my prerequisites as fast as I can and get out! I just feel like it is so far away!
    In a years time, hopefully, I will be going on my Winter Break before starting the Nursing Program in the Spring of 2016. Like I said, it seems so far away seeing as Spring of 2015 isn't even here yet, heck 2015 hasn't even been rung in! A year in the grand scheme of things doesn't seem like so long but I just hate waiting. I want to be there and be learning, doing and experiencing. I want to jump feet first in the deep end and save lives. I want to be someone and I am tired of waiting for it. Sure, I'm not sitting around and doing nothing, I'm working towards my dreams as best I can, but it doesn't seem like enough.
   My manager at work got on me about not working enough this semester, but when I have clinicals and 6 classes, how am I expected to work 5+ days of work per week? A part time job is usually around 20 hours per week, not the 30-ish to 40 that I had been doing for several weeks. My school work had been suffering and I needed more time to study, I also had a night class two days per week so I took an extra day off of work in between to have more time to study and focus on school. Seeing as my boyfriend lived in Pueblo this semester, I also took a couple weekends off every now and then  in order to be able to see my boyfriend for even a few moments when he was in town. I have worked my butt off for my managers for the last 2 years and it didn't pay off when I was a hostess and it hasn't paid off for me now as a server. I have worked my butt off as a server since the day I started training last spring and never backed down. But how am I supposed to continue working hard for something when the reward isn't going to be given?
    There are many people who do things without the prospects of rewards but this isn't one of those things. I want to be happy at my job and know that I'm progressing and not just at a standstill. I want to know that even as a server I am accomplishing something and doing something for myself. If I can't do it as a server how can I expect myself to accomplish it in real life and in the Nursing Program? How can I expect myself to excel and progress there if I can't do it in my current life? How can I move forward when I feel stuck right where I am?
    I just can't wait for it all to finally happen for me and finally be my turn for something great and meaningful to happen for me. Sure there are the small wonders that I am blessed with but I can't wait for the grand, big, amazing, life changing event to finally happen to me.

13 Ways to Be the Best Version of Yourself

This evening during my Anatomy and Physiology Lecture I had a wild thought. Earlier in the day I had confessed to a friend of mine two things that I have been having trouble with lately. During class I was trying to understand my problems, what was causing them and how I could go about fixing them. That's when I came up with a list of 13 things that I feel could help anyone with any problem they may have or to help deal with things that are causing stress. (And no I don't feel bad having come up with these things in the middle of my Biology Lecture because I already know what a covalent bond is!)

1. Believe that you are enough. Every day you need to wake up and tell yourself that no matter what happens today, or what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, you are enough to handle it. I have trouble believing sometimes that I am enough for my boyfriend, enough for my friends (the few I have) and even enough for myself. Am I the person that I really want to be? I wake up and tell myself that I am enough for all of those people and for myself. My boyfriend loves me and only me, he loves me with his whole heart and he chooses everyday to be with me. My friends chose to talk to me and hangout with me and help me. If I wasn't enough for them, I figure I wouldn't have them in my life. Knowing and understanding that, as well as working towards my goals in college and outside of it, I know I am enough for myself.

2. Don't overdo it. Everyone has their limits with anything that they do. If you are a partier, don't drink too much. If you love to study, don't study until you've become burnt out. If you have been working a lot of hours at work, don't be afraid to take some time off and spend it with your friend or family. Moderation is your friend. If you overdo something it won't have the same appeal that it would if it is done in moderation. Moderation is key.

3. Don't be afraid to take risks; just make sure they are risks you are willing and ready to take. Don't go jump out of an airplane strapped to a guy with a parachute just because your boyfriend wants to do it or just because your friends are. If YOU want to skydive and are ready for it, go for it! If you want to tell the guy you've had a crush on for the past year that you love him, then do it! Just make sure that you are ready for the outcome and the change that is going to follow your risks.

4. Cry whenever the heck you want to. Do not be afraid of your own emotions. Everyone is given the same emotions but not everyone feels them the same way. Some people are more compassionate while others are more sarcastic. Everyone is built differently. It seems that a lot of people have one thing in common: we think that crying is a sign of weakness. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been strong for so long that its time to relax and take a breath. Crying helps to release toxins, relieve stress and clear the mind. Crying is okay and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

5. Be selfish! Don't be afraid to blow off your friends for your family or both for personal time. Don't be afraid to tell others what you want and to do things for yourself. Go to the movies by yourself, buy yourself a new pairs of shoes, do something for yourself! Taking time to figure out what you like and don't like will help you to understand what you want when being around other people and will help you to become a better version of yourself.

6. Don't settle; but don't hold out. If you aren't happy with where you are at or who you are with, it really is okay to make changes to your life. You deserve the best the world has to offer. So if you wake up one morning and the man you loved 3 years ago isn't the man you love today, it is okay to admit that and move on. You owe it to him and to yourself to end the relationship and move on to the better things that God has planned for you. Or if you aren't happy at work; your coworkers and boss are jerks and you wake up every day dreading work, its definitely time to find a new job and get the heck away from the old one. At this point it is very important to not overlook many things because who knows when Mr. Right or that perfect job will come along. Don't pass something over, or break up with someone, just because you think that something better is out there. It may not be, so don't hold out waiting. It may just find you when you are least expecting it.

7. Don't judge others and you will feel less judged. Feeling like everyone or any one person is judging your every move is one of the worse feelings ever. If you know how that feels, why would you want others to feel like that? This goes right along with treating others how you want to be treated; the golden rule. One of the few things that we have control over, full control over, is the way we look, act and dress. Everyone has different life stories that has shaped them in one way or another and we don't always understand them, or get the opportunity to do so. Before making assumptions about someone you hardly know based on the brief time you have spent with them or from what you've heard about them from others you should get to know them better yourself and then try to imagine how you would act in their place. When you stop judging people you will feel less stressed by the feeling that others could be judging you. An enormous weight will be lifted off of your shoulders and you will be a much more secure and happy person.

8. Don't compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a really good way to lower your self-esteem and make you feel like a lesser person. If you compare yourself to other people you will realize all of the things that you don't have in your life and forget to see the things that you do have. Everyone is at different points in their lives and who says that just because you are the same age as someone that you are supposed to be at the same exact point in your life as they are in theirs. Everyone goes through different things and takes different paths in life and comparing yourself to someone else on a different path is like comparing a tiger and a lion: they look alike, act similarly and have the same goals, they just take different routes and use different methods to achieve their goals. Spend your time counting your blessings and not the blessings of others. Do not look at other people and wish that you had their face or their skin tone, their hair or their life. Appreciate what it is that God has given you because you never know when it could go away.

9. Reflect on the past, but don't dwell on it. We can learn so any things from the mistakes and events in our past that have shaped us to be who we are today. We have the capability to remember most of our lives, not every small detail but usually the bigger picture. The bigger picture of our past can help us to bypass mistakes in our future. The catch here is that we make sure we don't linger on things that we had a hard time with in the past or we feel we should have done differently. The past is to remember the things that we did differently and accept it not to dwell on the fact that we cant change them or go back and do them differently. We have to accept the past, move on and learn from it. Do not think about what it is that you think  you should have changed, said or not said. You can't change the past but you can use that information and that experience to make sure that you don't make the same mistake too many times.

10. Know yourself, figure yourself out. Everyone must find who they are and love themselves before they are able to be loved or love another. Take time to figure out what you like and do not like in people and in life. If you are to truly understand the world around you, you must figure out who you are in this world. The sooner you find these things and yourself, the sooner you will be satisfied with your life and have a higher self esteem knowing that you understand the world around you and the things you like and, just as importantly, the things you don't like.

11. Always take the high road. In your life, there are going to be many people that have yet to leave high school and that will try to bring you down. Don't let them. Don't reply to their meaningless insults or rude comments. They are most likely jealous of your future and life. You have a plan for your life and they are jealous of that. They want to be like you and they also want you to be as miserable as them. Don't be miserable. Stay on the path that you are on and ignore them. You will find that your life is much happier.

12. Don't let the little things bug you. Don't let a bad day, class, grade or comment ruin your day or
week. The little things are what make up the big things but if you let the few little things that bug you expand and grow, there will be more bad days than good. That is the worst way to spend your time. Leave the little things in the past and look forward to tomorrow, to the next class, to the next test.
Believe that you can be better and try your hardest to do so.

13. Change the things that you cannot accept and accept the things you cannot change. No matter how superficial the things you want to change are, you have the power to change them. If you don't like your hair color, change it. Try something new and different with it. Experiment. If you wear curls, wear it straight. If you are blond and aren't liking it much lately, try something darker. If you are unhappy with your weight then go to the gym and work it off. You can complain all you want about the things that you don't like in your life but where does that get you? It just makes you unhappy and sad. Accept the things you can't change. You also posses the power to do that.

Phlebotomy, Sleep, Good Grades, Social Life, Work. Pick 2.

    Going into the second half of this semester I began my clinicals for Phlebotomy. They happen to be 62 miles away in Montrose at Montrose Memorial Hospital. I am in the hospital for approximately 29-30 hours every week (Monday-Friday) and I am driving to and from about 12-14 hours each week as well. And then I work about 15-20 hours on the weekends. I have no time to myself. I barely found the time to write this just like I have barely been able to find time to sleep lately.
    Monday and Wednesdays I wake up at 5:30 am and leave my house at 6:00 am to get to Montrose around 7:00 am. I stay and work from 7-10:30 am when I leave to drive back for two classes (12:00pm-1:20 pm and 2:00pm-2:50pm). Following my last class I leave back to Montrose so I can get another hour and a half of work at the hospital in before coming back home at 5:30 pm-ish when the OP Draw Room closes.
 
    On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to class from 9:30 am until somewhere between 10:00 and 10:45 before leaving for Montrose from 12-4. Around 4pm I come home to go to class from 5:30-6:45 pm. Most Fridays, however, I get up at the same time I would on Monday or Wednesday (5:30 am) but I stay in Montrose until 5:30 pm. What a long day!
    Where is there time for me?? Where is there time for me to study, time for me to take a breath and to sit and think for a minute? There isn't any time! I am even writing this in class, once more. What the heck, right? The only good thing about my lack of time is that my time management has improved so much even in the last week and when the time comes for my clinicals for the Nursing Program I feel that I will be more ready for them and that I will be able to handle the lack of sleep like a champ!
    Clinicals are going as well as could be expected. I wish they were closer to home and less time consuming, though. The people at the MMH Lab are great, though! They are some of the funniest people I have ever met! They are also all very helpful with my learning and training as a Phlebotomist. They are patient and kind and aren't afraid to give me constructive criticism (Which I am always open to). But they also tell me when I'm doing something well and effectively. I am really going to miss them seeing as I only have this last week left with them.
    I have learned many things from the people at MMH. I feel so much more confident in my ability to draw blood, both from easier and harder sticks. I have found that it gets easier with the practice and the longer you spend doing it. Today I lost track of time after we got very busy in the draw room and I didn't even care. I wasn't constantly looking at the clock wondering what time I would be able to leave or how soon or far away that would be.I was content to stay there and draw blood for as long as I could. Once I get started doing it I have trouble stopping. I get into a groove and there is no stopping me. That is when I do my absolutely best work.
    There are times when I have rude patients and all I can think is, "dude, I have a needle in my hand that I am about to poke you with; would you like to rephrase that sentence?" Thankfully, I have only thought that a few times with the few rude people that I have drawn from. I feel like there will be more in my future but that I know how to handle them in a much better way than I had known before my clinicals. Overall this experience has been amazing and I have gained so much knowledge and experience. I just can't wait to continue and get my start in Nursing and actually being able to help people. It is what I am most excited about!

Tunnel Vision

    The other night at around 4 in the morning I woke up like I do so often in the night, and practically had an epiphany. Why am I so worried about tomorrow or next year or the next five when I haven't even made it through this day yet? The internet says this almost every where you look, but you are not guaranteed a tomorrow. You aren't really even guaranteed a full today. That saying is completely true. For whatever reason there may be, some tomorrows will never come. That may sound morose but it is completely true for everyone.
   Our futures are comprised of everyday moments and choices that we make on a daily basis. Many of which we don't even realize we are doing. Our futures are unfolding before our eyes without us acknowledging it. Every little moment in your life, minutes wasted, seconds lost, hours waiting, it all effects our futures. Every little detail. Some of the moments that we feel may be insignificant, turn out to be the most significant, life-changing moments ever.
   Lately I have been worrying about my grades for my classes, my tests, my GPA, how I am going to study for the Kaplan test to get into the Nursing Program and what I am going to do once I am in it. I am worrying about where I will be in 5 years, what I'm doing, where I'm living and who will be there with me. What I figured out the other day is that none of that matters. Sure, goals are nice for the long run. Even short-term goals are great. But if we put too much focus on those goals and trying to change the days in our future that we haven't even lived yet, the day that we are living goes to waste. There are many people who don't get to see a full day and won't live until tomorrow. Their days are gone and there is nothing they can do about it. There is something that we can do about OUR days, though.
    My resolution is this: worry about today and get everything done during the course of the day that I can. If I don't get something done I am not going to worry about it because I did the best I could TODAY. I will keep my long term and short term goals in sight with out focusing on them completely and getting Tunnel Vision. I will make the best of every day and make each and every minute of my life count. I will do what I can and not sweat the little or big stuff. I will tell people I love them often and speak my mind. I will live my life for me and in the time I am given. I will do my best, because that is all anyone can ever do.

Sophmore Year

    Fall 2014 classes have begun and my class load is quite large. I am retaking my Anatomy and Physiology 1 lab, continuing on to Anatomy and Physiology 2 Lab and Lecture, as well as History of Popular Music and I was accepted into the Phlebotomy Program. I m only taking 13 credit hours this semester but they are all upper division classes that require a lot of out of class work and memorization. I have 17 more credit hours to complete before entering the nursing program in about a year from now. My hopes are that I can get around a 4.0
this semester and next so that I will be able to get into the Nursing Program first time out. I have several big supports: an Academic Adviser, two Nursing Advisers and a professor I had last semester, all saying that they would help me as much as they can so I can accomplish my dream of becoming a Nurse.

    In addition to an intense work load at school, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years moved to Pueblo, Colorado a little over a week ago to pursue the Respiratory Therapy program at Pueblo Community College. He is going to be there for 2 1/2 years, only coming home once, maybe twice a month if that. As time goes on and classes and work get harder he may lessen is visits. Before he left we talked a lot about what we wanted to happen for us while he is away, and what we would want when he was done with school. We continue to talk more and more about our future together everyday. The saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was a very scary quote to me going into a long-distance relationship because of the addition "of someone else" that many people would add after their long-distance relationship went awry. I don't really believe the addition because my boyfriend and I have grown very fond of each other in the almost month that he has been gone. As we begin to adjust more and more to our situation, our feelings may adjust but I don't think that the fondness that we are experiencing now will ever go away.

    To be honest, though, it is almost good timing for my boyfriend moving away. Our classes are getting harder and harder, I'm trying to get into my program and he is already in his, I have a job on top of everything else and I don't know if I'd have time to juggle all of it and succeed if my boyfriend lived here. That may sound like a cop-out, but its not; its the truth. Balancing a 20-25 hour work week, going to school full time (which includes at least 30 hours of out of class homework and studying) a boyfriend, family a social life and an adequate amount of sleep? There just isn't time for all of that. I wish there were and that I could make the time but it just isn't possible. As I told my mom the other day, my priorities are school first, family second, work and my social life come last. I put school first only because I am paying thousands of dollars for my education and to have a better and brighter future for myself and my future family. Family comes above work because money will come and go, and I will be able to get a better job after I finish school. Plus my bosses are very understanding when it comes to family issues and are not worried about giving people time off for familial issues.
    The only thing that I worry about now is that I will be able to keep up with my classes, work as much as I need to and that I will get a good clinical site for my Phlebotomy Clinicals that will start in October. The other night I had a bit of a meltdown because I got a C on my first Anatomy 2 Lecture Exam and I was sure I wasn't going to be able to correct my studying or get any better grade than a C in anything. I stopped crying and being upset and was more determined thane ever to get the grades that I need and do what it takes to get into the Nursing Program. I have also found that praying for a good outcome and the support from above is a good thing, too. I will take all of the help I can get!